lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
