the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
