we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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