It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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