Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
