dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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