I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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