Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
