here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
