You don't have asthma, your pregnant
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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