Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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