I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
