guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
