everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
