u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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