Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
