and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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