Will you blow on my dice?
Sponge bath it is.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize