508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
