so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
