why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
