If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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