Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
