hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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