I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
