I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize