You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
