i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
