i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
