So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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