too bad you live with your parents still
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
