careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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