shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Four minutes until I can fart!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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