vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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