i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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