You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
