Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
