These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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