I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
