"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
