Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
