look no pants
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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