is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
not ubering you a puppy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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