Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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