Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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