Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
