i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize