my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
