8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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