If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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