Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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