I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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