So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
