my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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