I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
