u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
