i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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