I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
