I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Enjoy the penises
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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