My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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