she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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