did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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