I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
