We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize