I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
