You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
