I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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