You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize