Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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