You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NoShamevember. You game?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
