How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You need Xanax blowdarts
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
