Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
