She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
