Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
