It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
