What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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