You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
