She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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