I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
