were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
