1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
