In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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