If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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