Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
