fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
