He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
