Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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