Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
