I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Everything about him screamed your future.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
