saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
