Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
